Smack Smack

Recently Ive been caught in middle/observing feuds between various people that I am close with. It really hurts to see how extreme people can take a simple fight and make it into such a big deal. Even though its stressful and hurtful to even be a bystander, I know God is forcing me to experience this so that I can learn not be like these people. While both sides have valid points, they are not even taking the time to hear the other side out.They claim they know "exactly what is going on". It so shocking for me because these people are some of the most compassionate individuals Ive come across. And to see how people's true colors come out under pressure, makes me feel like I dont even know them anymore.

This feul has only been going on for about 3 days, but as of now it has reached almost 20 something people. Poisoning others with your negative energy is SOO powerful. It spreads like wildfire until someone chooses to dissolve it.

3 observations Ive had from this...

1) Take the time to try to understand the others. Even if you dont agree with them or they dont tell you why they did something... dont just observe their actions. look at the psychology for why that individual may want to act like that. What is their background? Who are their influences? What harm has been done to them? Are they acting as a response to something? Sometimes people are the way they are because as a result of numerous factors. So for us to judge why they are acting a certain way JUST based on one action.. is very wrong of us. No matter how mad you are, if you take even 2 minutes to keep these points in mind, i guarentee that it will change how you look at that person and the situation. Often times we think "Well this is how I feel".. "This person did this to ME".. we are so focused on US and defending ourselves because of our ego. But really it doesnt matter. It doesnt matter to be right or wrong.
Finding the truth from a situation and treating others correctly is what matters. Its okay to defend yourself and express your thoughts but only half the focus should be on you... not 90%.

2)Define your expectations. This by far should be number 1 on your list. I cannot emphasize HOW important this is with any relationship that you have. I doesnt matter if it is your mother, father, sister, best friend, aquaintence, husband, wife, etc. You have to define your expectations. This is probably the hardest thing to do because most of us dont like to face people. Some people think its scary to really tell others how we feel. Most of us dont want to be in an uncomfortable situation. But really, you wont be if you just give it a chance and do it in the right way. The other person will be greatful that you took the time to be honest with them and open up. The reason most people dont do it is because they either think its not necessary or they dont want to make an akward situation. They want things to be "cool". But the bottom line is when you dont have direct communication, miscommunication is bound to happen (Miscommunication in the sense of- they dont get what you are saying or you arent able to say everything on your mind). When you "sugar coat" what you are trying to say, or try to tell the person your thoughts through body language, giving them a cold shoulder, "teaching them a lesson", or blatantly ignoring them. I just doesnt work.
The following things are bound to happen:
A) you are just a really rude person who is just being a jerk
B) they dont understand your motives because they dont know what is going on in your head! so that leaves room for assumption, labeling, and judging. you cant expect people not to judge you when you are not being clear.
Therefore you need to be honest and share your thoughts. People wont treat you the way you want to be treated, unless you tell them what is exceptable. Even our closest friends can cross our boundries and do things we dont like. If they dont know that boundry exists, how do they know they crossed it? What seems obvious to you, is not obvious to everyone else.
If you have the mentatily that Im not going to tell them how I feel because they should already know..its just common sense... that is ignorant of you.

Quick story: I was driving with my friend in the car for about 1 hour. She was trying to open up to me and tell me that she was upset that I wasnt making an effort to be close with her. However, she sugar coated and fluffed what she was trying to say to such an extent.. I mean I didnt even know she was talking about me and her. I thought she was talking about someone else. She was trying to speak "in general". It wasnt until 2 days later that I was thinking about her convo that I came to the conclusion she was talking about us. I asked her about it and she said that she was hoping thats what I got from the conversation. I was shocked. It took her 1 hour to tell me that and what was the conclusion? Prob not what she intended. Never make people guess or be in a situation that they have to.
I know its hard to be honest. Esp with aquaintences or people you arent close to. But trust me you will feel so much better, if you do.

3) Be respectful. Everyone wants to be treated with respect, its just obvious. But why do we fail to do it? Really we all need video cameras to follow us sometimes just so that we see how are are acting. Sometimes we think are being respectful, bc of whatever thoughts are going on in our head. Being "caring" doesnt always do it. Sometimes we just need to verbalize it. Sometimes it just takes one or two sentences to change how people think of us. Telling people "I respect you but when you do x,y, z it changes how I think of you. I dont want to loose that respect for you, thats why Im telling you how I feel so that we can work things out" Thats so much different than "YOU did this to me. Why did you do it? Whats your problem ? Who do you think you are?"
(Btw not saying anything at all in order to be "respectful" is actually just as bad. bc you are unecessarily bottling things up, that eventually at some point will come out in some form or another)
Obviously there is no formual for working out issues. Each situation is different. But you would be surprised how obvious somethings can be, but people are unaware of how they are talking.


We often put too much emphasis on the decisions we make. But the real importance lies in how we treat ourselves and others in the process of making those choices. It is through this process that we experience love and growth.

If ANYONE feels that another person has taken the time to understand them, attempted to respect them, and has been honest with them, I can almost gaurentee you they will be happy with you. I know its hard to do these when are are upset or in a fight. But next time something happens whether its big or small, give these a shot.


I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years :)
2009, you will be a memoriable year for me.

chickpeas and dogs

Chickpeas, lemon juice, and olive oil. Recently, Israel is trying to claim that they are the inventors of the traditional middle eastern dish hummus. As a rebuttal Lebanon is fighting to set the record straight. According to BBC, there is "gastronomic war" between the countries to prove who created the first dish. Lebanon has been finding old chefs from around the country to record their first encounters with seeing the dish. One Lebanese chef claims to have seen hummus "way before the 1930s". However, the word hummus wasnt noted in the Oxford Dictionary until 1955 (not that it even matters.. but just gives you a time perspective for how long the western culture

has been familiar with the dish). Why is this such a big deal? According to some food expert in Lebanon the country will loose "billions of dollars" if they cant prove they were the creators. How accurate is this? I dont really know. I mean if you are a current customer and you like how the food tastes why would you change your mind over a fact like that. I understand the country wants to defend its roots and preserve its culture.. which is fine. But why does everything have to be so political! Even food. Geez.

According to BBC, Lebanon is trying to proove the same claim with tabbouleh (a levatine arab dish that includes bulgur, parsely, mint, tamatoe, scallions, and other herbs).

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The Holidays: Ive been hanging out with my sister's inlaws for the last 4 days in Long Island, NY. I've been having a great time, but they have two really vicious dogs that have been scaring the crap out of me. In order to have full mobility around the house one needs to first be"formally" introduced to the dogs. Raju (nick named Raj) and Goby (meaning califlower in Malliali) work together to check out everyone in the house. Raj is a German Sheppard. Not only is it a German Shepard, but he is much bigger than other dogs in his bread. For those of
you who dont know, the police force uses German Sheppards for when they chasing criminals. So as you can assume, they are energic, aggressive, and very large. In order to be "formally" introduced to Raj you have to throw his baseball 5-10 times while calling his name so that he can become familiar with your voice. The tricky thing is he drops it infront of you and you have to bend your head underneath his head in order to pick it up.

You feel very vulnerable when your head is underneath his.Trust me if anyone saw this dog (which I consider a mini horse for a toddler) they would be just as freaked out. One look at his teeth and you would be walking. Between the slobber, butt sniffing and wet fur rubbed on my leg I finally got through to this dog. Yuk! :/

Not exactly what Im used to at home.

Just to not completely bash the german shephard fans out there.. I will admit the dogs are cute when they are puppies.

Turning Corners

So I havnt updated for a while.. but something really funny happened last night that I wanted to blog about.
I went to go see my friend graduate from College Park and afterwards the plan was to go out to eat with her family. I'm not going to name my friend bc I dont want to embarrass her--- but anyways her family is really funny to be around. They are always joking and doing spontaneous things. However, her dad is fairly quiet and very very conservative. Anyways, to cut to the picture everyone in the car was acting really goofy and quarreling about stupid things so her dad was getting distracted while driving. He was in the right lane while passing through a traffic light and there was a cop in the left lane who was waiting to turn left at the traffic light. Apparently her dad didnt realize that the traffic light had turned red so he continued driving. Being aware of the whole situation I call out "Agha X! Police poshtetoon bood!" (which basically means there was a police officer behind you).. He didnt really realize what I said at first and then he flipped out. The police officer was still stuck at the intersection bc the light was red but he immediately turned on his lights to come after us. Mr.X got nervous and quickly turned into a neighborhood. He put his foot on the accelerator and made numerous sharp turns in between tightly packed streets. His children ( which are 22 and 28) were screaming "DAD DONT KILL US!" and his wife was like "Omg my husband is James Bond!".

I was just quiet bc I didnt know what the heck was going on and why this man was doing this. For the lat 18 years that I have known this man his actions seemed completely out of character for him. (Maybe he had a lot of points? ) But I have never seen someone so adamant about hiding from the police..LOL
anyway he continued making these turns for what seemed to be forever and finally he pulled into a public parking space and turned off his car. We all sat there for 30 sec until everyone in the car broke into laughter.

The first thing his eldest daughter said was " Mom, now you see why I wont let dad borrow my car?" (the funny thing was we were in her car too. He was driving so fast we felt like the jeep was going to tip over.) His wife kept asking him how he knew exactly where to go? But I could tell she liked the thrill of being in the car. Dont get me wrong, my friend comes from a well-respected educated family. Ive never seen them do this sort of thing-- i think the whole situation was kind of random since I was in the car-- anyway the story isnt over. So after we parked he got out of the car to walk up the street just to check to see if the police car was still there or not. The police hadnt seen us turn into the housing development. He was gone for like 5-10 minutes and when he came back he said that the police officer had pulled over another car. I was quiet the whole time.. my friend kept telling her dad "Wow dad, youre such a bad role model".

This is actually a really long story but I cut it short. basically for about 30 min before that whole ordeal my friend and I were reminiscing about the "bad" things we used to do when we were in middle/high school. lol our random adventures walking from her house up route 40 - we would walk for hours up high ways and find random restaurants to eat at, roll down hills, etc (nothing "bad" but not exactly safe for a 12 year old). Our parents never knew but one day my mom was driving on the high way and saw us walking she flipped out. LOL.. seriously if I had kids I would saw them doing that -_- end of story...
anyways this is one of the many things we would do when we were bored and we were sitting her telling her dad and mom all this. her mom knew most of it but her dad had know idea.. he was bashing us for it why we would do such stupid things (not that he was really mad or anything bc theres nothing he could do about it now since his daughter is all grown up). the point is-- what he did next is what made all of this funny. lol after that he had nothing to say about our shenanigans.

On a side note: Inshallah this May (right after finals) I will be going to Mecca with my mom and aunt Shiva. My cousin Sahar is will be getting married 1 week after we come back-- so things may be a little squished during that time period. But hopefully thing will work out great! I'm really really really excited and I will be very grateful if I am given this opportunity.

I also have funny stories that I have to write about in regards to rockville pike, georgetown, donuts and the metro. I will try to catch up on my blogs soon!

This makes me happy. If you ever want to make me smile, buy me one.

Ketch-Up

First of all, I would like to say a belated Eid Mubarak! Hopefully I can go to haj during this time in two years. That is something I am looking forward to.
As of right now, I am barely functioning on any sleep

In the last 4 days Ive practically pulled 3 all nighters- some days longer than others
Yesterday I was in the library from approximately 3pm to 2am and then I left to sit in the physics building with 3 other friends until 6am
9:30am ....3 and a half hours later I'm up and running again. Not to mention, I've consumed more food in the last 48 hours than I did over the entire Thanksgiving break..which means I definitely have to hit the gym once this is all over :)
I recently talked to a friend of mine which inspired me to write this post:
Why do people base so much of their internal happiness based on outside sources?
When people don't find their connection and solely rely on outside sources to fulfill what that emptiness inside them, they become hurt. Sometimes it results in addictions (anything from drugs to alcohol to shopping), absolute emergence in relationships, and spending excess time on their career just to name a few. By doing this people try to distract themselves from facing reality and fulfilling that emptiness inside them. But what it comes down to is all these outside resources are instant gratification that are ephemeral. Personally, I think the only way people can prevent from doing this is to make sure they keep there connection consistent so that they can stay level headed and remind themselves why are really here for. This seems really obvious but such a large majority of people get stuck in the cycle not realizing it.

This is ESPECIALLY true to relationships. People THINK that if they are with someone that they will automatically be happy (not to say relationship cant bring about happiness... but people are so dependent on it). They rely on others giving them that special attention to feel "good".
Side note:
Check out Banksy
hes pretty awesome


england

west bank

west bank "stable-like" conditions

cut it out

latter to the other side





An man of mystery, Banksy is one of the most notorious yet controversial graffiti artists of the 21st century. His pseudo-anonymity and "guerrilla" art is public spaces is what attracts people most to him. His reputation from his infamous graffiti art is what makes celebrity collectors, such as Brad Pitt and Christina Aguilera, pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for a single Banksy painting.
In the early 90s he worked for the Bristol's DryBreadZ Crew (DBZ) which was part of the Bristol underground scene.
Much like Frank Gehry and other successful architects who fully appreciate the surroundings of their creations, Banksy puts the same time to integrate his images with the context they take place in. Thats why what he creates works.
lol clique... anti-capitalist, anti-war, anti-establishment..
go figure

Palestine-Israeli barrier on the west bank: 9 images on the wall. names Palestine the "worlds largest open prison". wanted to add beauty to the 425 mile long piece of concrete. an old Palestinean guys walked by and he was angry.. he said he doesnt want it to be pretty bc he doesnt want it to exist. anyway banksy got shot at a few times but luckily he survived.
he was smart to bring pre-made stencils so that he could put it up quickly rather than spray painting the images.

...

theres so much i want to do in life

theres a lot i want to give.. but im not exactly sure how. with each experience its important to see the opportunity you have to give something of yourself. 

theres so much i want to blog about right now but im not even sure how to put it in words. 

this next month is going to be challenging.

this next year is going to be especially challenging. 

as crazy as it sounds.. im excited just for the process. i love the process of learning and growing.

its only more positive each time. 

i cant wait for break to start. im going to get refocused. 

i cant explain in words how great of a day i had today. 

i know this is a very vague blog but i needed some way to filter out for the day.

bed time.

pause

I would like to bid my blog farewell for the next 2 and half weeks. 

>>>>>.... Finals have begun......................................................<<<<<

of course this has to happen right as I'm having a good streak with keeping up